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 Communication Skills
Challenge One:
Listening more carefully and
more responsively -
acknowledging the feelings and wants that people express in word and mood.
Actively acknowledging another person's experience does not have to mean
that you agree or approve. Compassionately allow people to feel whatever
they feel. People are much more likely to listen if they have been listened
to with actively expressed acknowledgments.
Communication
Skills Challenge Two:
Explaining my conversational intent and
inviting consent
by using one of 30 basic conversational invitations such as, ``Right now I
would like to take a few minutes and ask you about... [subject].`` The more
involvement a conversation is going to require of the other person, the more
you will benefit by sharing your conversational goal and inviting the
conscious cooperation of your conversation partner.
Communication
Skills Challenge Three:
Expressing myself more clearly and more
completely
- giving your listeners the information they need to understand (mentally
reconstruct) your experiences more fully. One good way is to use ”the five
I-messages”: What/how I (1)observe, (2)am feeling, (3) because I
interpret/evaluate/need, and now I (4)want to request, and (5)envision/hope
for from request. Equally good for self-understanding, too.
Communication Skills Challenge Four:
Translating my criticisms and complaints into requests
& and explaining the positive results of having your request granted. Do
this for both your own complaints and the complaints that others bring to
you. Focusing on the positive outcome shows respect to the recipient of a
request as having a positive contribution to make, and shifts focus from
past mistakes to present and future successes.
 Communication Skills Challenge Five:
Asking questions more "open-endedly" and more creatively.
"How did you like that movie?" is an open-ended question that invites a wide
range of answers. "Did you like it?" suggests only "yes" or "no" as answers
and does not encourage discussion. Sincerely asked open-ended questions can
open up our conversation partners. (How comfortable are you with this
suggestion?)
Communication Skills Challenge Six:
Thanking. Expressing more gratitude, appreciation,
encouragement and delight in everyday life. In a world full of
problems, look for opportunities to give praise. Both at home & at
work, it is the
bond of appreciation that makes relationships strong enough to allow for
problem-solving and differing needs.
Communication
Skills Challenge Seven: Focus
on learning.
Make the practices described in challenges 1 through 6 important parts of
your everyday living. Pay attention to each conversation as an opportunity
to grow in skill, awareness and compassion. Work to redefine each of your
"opponents" in life as a learning and problem-solving partner. Assist the
processes of change in your world by personally embodying the changes,
virtues and styles of behavior you want to see in others.
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